i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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