she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
