Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
