i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
