i jhust puked up my retainher.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
