So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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