Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
