i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
