hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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