someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
COCAINE IS GR8
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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