and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
