If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
