so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
