And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
