mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
