The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
