college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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