So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize