I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no you cant smoke seaweed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
