Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
