Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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