Sponge bath it is.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
3pm strippers are depressing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
