I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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