Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
