can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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