And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
