We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm passing your future prison.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
