OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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