i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize