i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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