guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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