in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
