??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
