for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
