my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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