Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
