No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
