piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
