I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
love makes seman taste better
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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