With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
