Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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