OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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