I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
