I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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