I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
