How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
