You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
