i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
