I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize