forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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