girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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