why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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