i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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