I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
