can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
