I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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