Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
