the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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