i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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