***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
