So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i will never coherently bang her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
