so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I want is dick and wine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
