Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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