so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
