glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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