Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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