If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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