he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
