I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
