The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
