half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Vodka?
Forever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
