Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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