Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
