Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
