I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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