I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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