He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just googled if crying burns calories
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
