just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
