I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
