I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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