We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
