Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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