Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
tell me about the fingering
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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