Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
