420 ftw
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize